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25 One-liners about the State of the Union

I was challenged by a friend to make 25 Johnny Carson style “how bad is it” one-liner jokes about the State of the Union, start to finish from the top of my head. I did so just now on Twitter. Actually, I counted wrong, so I have an extra that didn’t make it: My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so dangerous that even 50 Cent won’t talk about it.

And a few moments after posting, I wished I’d made this one: My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so dismal that NBC wants to put it on at 10pm.

Anyhow… Here are the actual 25 one-liners about how bad the State of the Union is I riffed off one after another on Twitter:

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so lousy that even your mom is a better lay.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so base, that it could be a joke from @Enomalas2010.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is such garbage that it’s now on the dollar menu at Taco Bell.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union has sunk lower than 64 year old Dolly Parton’s cleavage.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so poor that it snuck in from Mexico.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so inadequate that it bought a penis pump.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so dreadful it could have been tweeted by @shitmydadsays.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so unsatisfactory, it could be a Jay Leno punch line.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so substandard that it will have to go to college in Florida.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is more bottomed out than Kim Kardashian.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is in such poor quality that it could have only been made in the United States.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so careless, that it’s FOX News’ top story.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so diseased, that even Paris Hilton won’t sleep with it.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so corrupt that the Supreme Court just gave it the same rights as a person.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so substandard, John McCain asked it to be his running mate.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so gross that Pamela Anderson just married it.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so hairy it resembles Senator Centerfold Scott Brown laying naked on a bear skin rug.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is more dim than Sarah Palin playing Jeopardy!

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is more shallow than the cast of the Hills.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is more doomed than health care reform.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is weaker than Tiger Woods’ wedding vows.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is more unstable than Lindsay Lohan and Andy Dick combined.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is more wobbly than Mel Gibson at a sobriety checkpoint.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is darker than Pat Robertson’s heart.

My fellow Americans, The State of the Union is worse than Donald Trump’s hairpiece.