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A quick bitch about comics

Anybody who knows me, knows that I’m a giant comic book nerd, and have been all of my life. In the digital age, my reading list has only grown. But, I always keep a finger on what’s going on with the old childhood favorites: Superman, Batman, Green Arrow, Hulk, Captain America, Thor, Martian Manhunter and the Question.

DC and Marvel are trying their hardest to ruin each of these characters.

Superman: freed Kandor from it’s bottle, and now has left his wife, Lois, to go live on a planet called New Krypton, where he has joined their military, which is under control of his long-time enemy, General Zod. This is expected to be the storyline for the next year.

Batman: Supposedly dead. Alfred the Butler has taken control of Batman’s team: the Outsiders, and also commands all the Batman spinoff heroes in Gotham. There’s no end in sight for this storyline, unless we get new writers who remember why the book is called BATMAN. Apparently someone else will wear the cowl. Likely one of the Robins, because they’re stealing this whole storyline from a shitty Captain America storyline. (see below)

Green Arrow: The least ruined of the bunch, GA finally married his love of 4 decades, Black Canary, but now they’re going through some issues. At the root of these issues is lady stalker, killing off Arrows enemies. In a world without Batman, GA should have had some time to shine. Instead they kill off his foes and make him look helpless.

Hulk: Marvel’s Planet Hulk storyline got me back into their comics after what I call, their decade of suck. But, since Hulk’s been home, it’s been one campy and stupid story after another. None of them even go anywhere. There’s a red Hulk and a green Hulk. It’s stupid.

Captain America: they killed him last year and replaced him with his old sidekick. The result is a Captain America nobody cares about, and without the ethics that make Cap the icon he was. It’s pointless.

Thor: Thor returned from the dead, brought all his fellow Norse Gods with him, and they all live in Kansas. His enemy and half brother Loki is now a woman. Is this Thor or Days of Our Lives?

Martian Manhunter: the glue of the DC Universe was killed off for no real reason at all, for the worst storyline in DC history. It’s as if they are actually trying to shed themselves of some of their fans.

The Question: Also killed off, this time as part of “52” which was somewhat cool. But his death was pointless. They replaced him with an alcoholic lesbian cop picked from the pages of Batman and Batwoman. She’s not the Question from golden age comics, and I’ll never be able to adapt to her.

If you don’t know the Question, you likely don’t know that Alan Moore’s Watchmen was supposed to be involving golden age superheroes, but DC wouldn’t let him. Thus he created his own universe. So, to add some actual information to this post, instead of just a bitch fest, allow me to breakdown who was based on who.

The Comedian: A hybrid between Peacemaker and Nick Furry

Doctor Manhattan: Captain Atom meets Superman

Night Owl: Moore says the Ted Kord Blue Beatle, but we all see Batman. He’s not as dark as Batman though, and with the love story, definitely has some Green Arrow in him.

Ozymandias: Thunderbolt

Rorschach: The Question

Silk Spectre: Black Canary

I do have to give props to a couple of good things going on in the big comic book companies right now. Marvel’s Dark Reign may or may not work out for fans, but it brought back Nick Furry, and that’s very cool. Also, their Incredible Hercules series spotlights an unlikely hero, Amadeus Cho, who is a boy genius and is very entertaining. There’s been some great writing, especially early in the run.



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