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Altered States of the Union

Last year I began what I hope will be an annual tradition, of making Johnny Carson one-liner style jokes about the State of the Union, first on Twitter, and then posting on the Sala-blog. These were very well favorited for me on Twitter, and it was an extremely popular blog posting for me on my Blogger. Plus, it was a heck of a lot of fun. So, I’m going to try and come up with more this year.

This year I’ll be using a hash-tag in the format, to try and invite others to play along. Each one-liner will follow this formula: “My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so (negative adjective) + (joke).” Examples are below.

I invite anyone who is interested, to play along on Twitter using the same formula. If you’re not on Twitter, don’t want to join Twitter, but want to play along, email me at michaelsalamone@michaelsalamone.com and I’ll tweet it giving you credit. Just keep it under 140 characters and leave room to credit you.

To get in the spirit of the gag, and to make sure I don’t repeat any from last year’s list of 25, here are my favorites from 2010:

  • My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so poor that it snuck in from Mexico.
  • My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so unsatisfactory, it could be a Jay Leno punch line.
  • My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so substandard that it will have to go to college in Florida.
  • My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is more bottomed out than Kim Kardashian.
  • My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is in such poor quality that it could have only been made in the United States.
  • My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so careless, that it’s FOX News’ top story.
  • My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so diseased, that even Paris Hilton won’t sleep with it.
  • My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so corrupt that the Supreme Court just gave it the same rights as a person.
  • My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so substandard, John McCain asked it to be his running mate.
  • My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so gross that Pamela Anderson just married it.
  • My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is weaker than Tiger Woods’ wedding vows.
  • My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is more unstable than Lindsay Lohan and Andy Dick combined.